Time for what matters

  This is a Sermon I gave online to the Unitarian Universalist Church of Brevard on 9/20/20.
(FYI, the extra punctuation and spacing is to remind me to breathe - in general good advice).

Time for what matters

I’ve been thinking quite a bit about how I use my time lately, and I confess,

I tend to be one of those people who tries to do everything.  I have been 

known to ignore the adage, “there are only so many hours in a day” and 

try to squeeze as many things that “need to be done” in a day as possible.  

And most of these things I “need” to do, are my own fault.  

I’m a “joiner”, I’m a frequent volunteer and I find myself adding new tasks 

to my growing list.  I almost always take on leadership roles, simply 

because I think it needs to be done.  I offer my time to family and friends 

when help is needed.  And because of this, I find myself at times overwhelmed, 

wondering how I got here. Now don’t get me wrong, I love down time.  

I crave those days when I can just chill and watch Netflix.  But even on 

those days, I always seem to find myself more work. 

When the pandemic started, I found myself relieved for a break, 

but soon in this “new normal” of Covid life, I found myself “virtually” 

overwhelmed.  In life, I am a joiner, and in cyber-life, suddenly the 

whole world was at my fingertips.  I found myself signing up for 

every zoom, every facebook live, every action and petition.  

Trying to get involved with every cause and take advantage of 

every new opportunity.  Trying to be everything, to everyone.     

And it wasn’t just after Covid that I have had this problem.  

I confess it is a lifelong affliction.  At a young age I wanted to be 

in every school club, try out for every play, be involved with every 

music group.  I found myself juggling between overlapping schedules, 

and rushing from event to event, to try to do it all.  I have a serious 

case of FOMO (for those who don’t know, that is the Fear of Missing Out)

My “FOMO” addiction didn’t change into adulthood.  I frequently found 

myself volunteering to help, and soon after, helping to lead.  

It’s no one’s fault but my own that I take these things on, but of course 

like anyone, I would eventually crash, exhausted, I'm only human.  

I suppose this is my vice, my desire to connect to the world, to create 

my legacy and make an impact, to give and to learn.  It was exhilarating , 

but it was also exhausting.  

I am a lover of learning, of new things and new experiences, and 

here-in lies my issue.  I want to do “all the things”.  And It’s not just a 

love of learning, it’s a feeling of connectedness.  That group experience 

that we all look for.  We all crave that magical sense of community, that 

feeling we get when we find our “tribe”, our people.

To quote Beyonce, we want to be “part of something way bigger”.  

The first verse in her song “Bigger” says it best.

If you feel insignificant, you better think again

Better wake up because 

you're part of something way bigger

You're part of something way bigger

Not just a speck in the universe

Not just some words in a bible verse

You are the living word

That “living word” that feeling of significance, of being a part of a wider world, 

is our taste of immortality.  And all the things I do, all the ways I try to 

leave my stamp on the world, all the ways I try to understand how 

I can contribute to that wider world, that is our connection to the universe.

But the question I need to ask is, what Actually matters?, what brings me 

that connection to the world, and to others?, and what is just noise, and filler?.  

I get the feeling that much of it, is just noise, and filler.  I find it fortuitous, 

that I started this reflection around Rosh Hashanah, which is the Jewish 

New year, a time of self-examination and repentance. A time to reflect on 

where we have fallen short, and how to improve ourselves in the new year.

So here is my confession, my self-examination.  I am not Super Woman.  

I have had 40 years on this Earth, and the biggest lesson I still need to 

learn, is that I should not try to do everything.   What I should be doing, 

is finding the time for What Matters.  What I should understand, is that 

those deeper connections, those feelings of being with our “tribe” , 

our “people”, are what should matter.  Those moments, those 

memories, we share with our community are what should matter.   

So I have given myself a new assignment, and that is to redefine 

in my life, What Matters.   

What matters, first and foremost, are the people in my life.  

My family, my friends, the people who enrich my life, and fill that 

longing in my soul for connection.  The ones who are with me, 

for a season, those who come in my life for a reason, and those 

who are with me for a lifetime.  

These people should always be my compass, and I admit, 

I find myself adrift at times.  In my desire to experience the world, 

I neglect the universe in front of me.  My people, my tribe, my friends 

and my family, those are the ones who matter, and they should 

be my Universe.    

Now that doesn’t mean that the rest of the world, doesn’t matter.  

Of course it does, and of course, we need to stay connected to 

our wider community.  But with everything, it needs to be in balance.  

I can not watch, consume, and participate in everything there is to do.  

I can not right all the wrongs of the world myself, nor should I try.  

But I also can not give myself completely to those in my life.  

I want to spend time with my family and friends, but I also have to 

take some time for myself.  Self care, and your connection with 

yourself, is just as important as your connection, to the people in 

your life. Our commitments to our Friends, our Family and our 

Community are important, but what also matters, is understanding, 

when it’s time to rest, and recharge.

There are of course always those things that need to be done, 

but it’s about asking, what is my priority, at this moment.  

What “needs” to be done now, and what “can” be done later.  

Can I take 5 minutes, and just, be, present?  What is “important” 

at this moment, and what should be my priority? 

Some days we feel super productive, and others, we just feel 

like chilling out, and both are ok.  Balance is the key for all things, 

understanding what is important, when it’s important, 

and realigning my time to what matters.   

When doing my assignment, I found I needed to realign the way 

I look at my time, and how it is spent.  I started to notice that 

I was annoyed, when my family or friends would “interrupt” 

anything I was doing.  My priorities were misaligned, and 

that wasn’t fair to either of us.  

I prioritized that video, that email, that live stream, all that 

noise over the people around me.  I have to ask, is that video, 

that email, that live stream, more important than those I care about?  

The answer, is of course no, but the action I did, was yes.  

That’s what needed to change.  The lesson I have to learn is, 

I have time.  I have time for what matters, because I make time, 

for what matters.  

So as I sit here, trying to squeeze time in my day, my first assignment 

is, to really look, at all the things I am doing.  We don’t have time to 

do everything we want, or “need” to do.  What we can do, what I can do, 

is to redefine my priorities.  

To pick up that phone when my mom calls, instead of waiting until 

after I finish a show.  To stop what I am doing, and listen to my kid 

tell a story.  To sit with my husband, when he asks for my time, 

instead of thinking of all the things I “should” be doing.  

Time with my people, IS what I should be doing.  

The rest is just noise, just filler, and no matter how important 

all the other things around me seem to be, in the end they are 

all just filler.  Does it need to get done?, Maybe?  Does it need 

to be done at this moment?, probably not.  And that is the 

realignment I “need”, I “need” to live, in the present moment.

Do I always make the right choices?, no.  Do I always get my 

priorities right?, of course not.  I am human, and as a human 

I am eternally, a work in progress.  But I am inviting myself to 

go on this journey, to seek to realign my priorities, and seek 

balance for my life and my time.  

So I invite you along on this journey with me. I invite you to ask yourself, 

what are the connections that matter? What connects you 

to the world, to your tribe, to something bigger?  Ask yourself, 

should I spend this moment enriching my mind, or should I spend 

this moment with those I care about, enriching my soul.  

Your legacy, your immortality is not decided by you.  

It is your connections to your tribe, your people, the impact 

that you leave with others that decides how you live on.  

To quote “A Small Fiction” by James Mark Miller:

"Do you have a magic spell to return someone to life?" (the girl) asked. 

"No," the witch said, "I'm sorry." 

"Oh." (said the girl sadly) 

"Why don't you tell me about them?" (the witch said) 

"Will that bring them back?" (asked the girl) 

"For us. For a little while. (said the witch) 

Stories, are a different kind of magic."

My friends, A rebalance is in order, and in that rebalance, you matter, 

I matter, we matter, our connections to each other, matter.  

And while I might try to do everything, filling my life with noise 

and filler, it’s at the expense of what really matters in this life.  

The people who touch your life, and connect you to your 

greater self, they are what matter.  Your memories, your stories, 

your time with the people in your life, and their memories 

of you that they carry on, are what matter.  They are your legacy, 

your universal memory, your immortality, your magical connection 

to the universe.  It's time my friends, for a realignment.  It’s time, 

to make time, for what, and who, matters.  

Thank you.

 

Inherent Worth and Dignity

 This is a Sermon I gave online to the Unitarian Universalist Church of Brevard on 8/23/20.
(FYI, the extra punctuation and spacing is to remind me to breathe - in general good advice).

 

Inherent Worth and Dignity

Good Morning everyone, My name is Beth Anz, and I am a “normal” 

person... (mostly). I am neither a “good” person, or a “bad” person, 

who I am, is not as simple as that. I may say things you disagree with, 

and often, in this polarized world, if we disagree, we are quick to “cancel” 

and dismiss people we disagree with.  We react in an instant, either 

deifying, or demonizing others, based on a post, a tweet, or a sound byte.  

But opinions don’t exist in a vacuum.  I would invite each of you 

to look further, to seek a dialogue, before you dismiss someone.  

We as Unitarian Universalists, state our First Principle as, 

“The Inherent Worth and Dignity, of Every Person”.  That is more 

difficult than it seems on the surface. Not “Every Person” is 

easy to care for, and see their worth; particularly, when those 

individuals, act in ways that are contrary, to our values and beliefs. 

We prefer insults, to discourse, and we fear that if we engage, 

we risk also being attacked.  

What I want to discuss today, is the dangers, of creating 

Monsters, or Saints, in society, creating an “other” and 

dehumanizing each other.  The dangers of inaction, 

or acceptance of these behaviors.  Much of our discourse 

runs around this dehumanization, and the concept isn’t new. 

Several years ago, I read a book called, 

“The Lucifer Effect: Understanding How Good People, Turn Evil”.  

The Book is by Philip Zimbardo, and goes into depth 

about his famous “Stanford Prison Experiment”, and it’s 

real world parallels.  Many of you have probably heard of this 

experiment, but here’s a quick, synopsis.  In 1971, 

Professor Zimbardo recruited College students to be randomly 

assigned, as either “guards” or “prisoners”.  The Prisoners were 

mock “arrested”, booked and placed in a mock “prison”, built in 

the basement of the Stanford Psychology building.  Each 

participant was pre-screened for any underlying psychological 

issues, to ensure they were as quote, as “normal” as possible.  

The “guards”, were given an orientation and instructed to 

“control” the prisoners, but NOT to harm them.  Zimbardo, 

who played the Prison superintendent, gave these instructions to 

the guards: "You can create in the prisoners feelings of boredom, 

a sense of fear to some degree, you can create a notion 

of arbitrariness, that their life, is totally controlled by us, 

by the system, you, me, and they'll have no privacy ... 

We're going to take away their individuality, in various ways. 

In general what all this leads to is a sense of powerlessness. 

That is, in this situation, we'll have all the power, and 

they'll have none."

Those familiar with the experiment, will know that it quickly 

devolved, as the participants fell into their “roles”.  Guards, 

who were instructed to call prisoners, by their numbers only, 

quickly internalized their roles, and throughout the week, 

enacted several acts of abuse, and dehumanization.  The 

prisoners started to see themselves as their numbers, and went 

along with it, for fear of being singled out.  

By day 2 the prisoners rebelled, the guards pushed back, 

giving privileges to those who complied with the rules, and 

denied rights, such as beds and toilet privileges to those who 

didn’t.  Sanitation quickly devolved, harassment escalated, 

particularly during the “daily counts”, and both the prisoners 

and guards became psychologically institutionalized in their roles. 

This experiment which was supposed to last 2 weeks, was shut down 

after 6 days. Because Professor Zimbardo was also ingrained 

in his role as the Prison Superintendent, It took an associate of his, 

pointing out the abuse to shut it down.  Everyone had lost perspective 

and accepted their roles, fully. 

Philip Zimbardo was quoted many years later, saying

 - "I had been conducting research for some years, on 

deindividuation, vandalism and dehumanization, that illustrated 

the ease with which ordinary people could be led to engage, 

in antisocial acts, by putting them in situations where they felt 

anonymous, or they could perceive of others in ways 

that made them less than human, as enemies or objects," 

This “less than human” mindset is how the experiment 

encouraged such abuse.  They created a system of power, 

where the prison guards dehumanized the prisoners, by only 

using their numbers, not their names.  They created an institution 

of authority, the prison system.  They gave them uniforms/ to 

create unity, and anonymity, they encouraged them to use their 

power, to keep order; and allowed abuse to go unchallenged, 

creating an escalation, and indifference to that abuse.  

All these things, according to Professor Zimbardo, are a recipe for evil.

He admitted in later interviews, that he should have shut down 

the experiment, much sooner, but allowed the abuse to continue, 

because he himself, became part of the experiment, and part of 

that group mindset.  In effect, Professor Zimbardo used the power 

of his prison system, to encourage dehumanization, and 

allowed the prisoners to become an “other”. 

When I say an “other”, what I mean is collectively declaring a group 

of people, as “less than”, to exert control and power over them, 

separating “us” from “them” by some dehumanizing 

characteristics. The Stanford Prison Experiment is not unique in its tactics.  

Professor Zimbardo went further in his book, and showed 

real world examples of his mock “prison”, the most prominent 

being the Abu Grahib prison torture in 2004.  

He highlights the similarities, between the real world torture 

of Iraqi prisoners, and his “mock” Stanford prison, showing, 

image for image, replicas of prisoner torture.  

Again, these people were not inherently evil, they were 

not “bad apples”, they were average, “normal” soldiers.  

The Abu Ghraib soldiers were pressured to “soften” these 

prisoners up for interrogation, without much oversight, much 

like the Stanford prison guards were pressured to keep order.  

But according to Professor Zimbardo, it is not just “bad apples”

in these cases, we have to look beyond the individual, at the 

situation, and the system (or the “bad barrel”, and the “bad barrel makers”).  

In all these cases, you need to find where the Power is.  

Power, without oversight, opens the door to abuse.  This does not 

excuse the abuse, but it allows us to understand how 

“good people”, can do “terrible things”.

History is filled with examples, of leaders using their power, 

and control, to create the dehumanization of “others”.  The United States, 

and many other colonial countries, dehumanized, and controlled, 

the native or captive populations, promoting racism,

and a sense of their own superiority.  During Reconstruction, 

the former plantation owners of the South, used Jim Crow Laws and other 

tactics not only, to control former black slaves, but also to prevent, 

poor White farmers, from joining with the newly freed, poor Black farmers 

after the end of slavery.  In World War two, Hitler convinced the 

downtrodden, German People, that they were superior, 

while committing atrocities to “others”, most predominantly the Jewish People.  

But during that same time, the US put their own German, and 

Japanese citizens in camps, without any cause, simply out of fear.  

Now those are extreme examples, of how we use the 

“other” to accept atrocities, but all extremes start small.  

Professor Zimbardo illustrates this, with Milgram’s famous 

1963 Shock experiment, which looks at people’s obedience to authority, 

or how Milgram looked at it, “could the holocaust happen here”?

Quote “Ordinary”, volunteers, were asked as the “teacher” to 

teach a “learner” a series of words to study memory.  When the 

“learner” gets it wrong the “teacher” is instructed to give the “learner” 

a shock.  For this experiment, Milgrim made the volunteer “teacher”, 

think that both the “teacher” and “learner” were volunteers, 

but unknown to our volunteer, the “learner”, was actually one 

of the researchers.  

The volunteer sees the “leaner”, strapped into the shock machine 

that they will control with a dial, but during the experiment they can not 

see them, they only hear them from the other room.  The experimenter 

(our authority figure) would instruct the “teacher” to increase 

the shock every time the “learner” got the words wrong.  

Like all “evil” acts, it started small, with 15 volts, but increases 

by 15 volts for every wrong answer.  On the other side, the person 

getting shocked is begging and pleading as the shocks get worse, 

but the researcher instructs our volunteer, repeatedly, that they must 

continue.  Since the “teacher” volunteer does not know the “learner” 

is pretending, they think they are hurting this individual.  

The theory was that Nazi’s, were inherently predisposed to evil 

and authority, and that “Ordinary” people, would not continue to 

increase the voltage, causing great harm.  But the experimenters were 

wrong, very wrong, two-thirds of all the participants went to 

the lethal level of 450 volts.   

Why did they do this?  The simple answer, is Authority, and Obedience, 

but not just to the authority figure, peers as well.  In later experiments, 

Milgram found that if the participant, saw someone go to the lethal level, 

before them, they were more likely to do the same, 

but if the participant saw someone, rebel before them, 

they were more likely to refuse to shock the other volunteer.  

This fear of authority, this pressure to conform, and obey  

institutions, shows how “ordinary”, people are able to do “evil acts”.  

Like in the Stanford prison, they used this fear of being treated like “others”, 

or losing our status, to ensure we go along with it.  The prison abuse, 

started with small things, and grew, as their actions were not challenged.  

In the modern world, we saw it with Muslims after 911, we see it with our 

immigrant communities, with white supremacy, and with minorities and the 

police.  By thinking of people as “other”, or “less than human”, we allow 

ourselves to treat them inhumanely.  When we do not speak up 

for our fellow humans, we allow the abuse of “others”, and we are complicit.  

According to our principles, we believe in the “inherent worth, and dignity, 

of every person”.  It is easy to think that we do, that we would never, be led 

into such behavior, as those in the Stanford Prison Experiment.  

But remember, those “normal”, kids began the experiment 

the same, assigned positions at random, and quickly devolved, into abuse, 

because of the pressure to fulfill an identity.  They were given permission, 

to see their fellow volunteers as an “other”, and therefore 

open to inhumane treatment.  

When people commit acts that go against our values, 

it is easy to demonize them.  But I feel that is where the danger comes in, 

the seed to abusive behavior.  We must remember, that humans, and other 

living creatures are worthy of our compassion.  Human beings, are neither 

all good or all bad, and when we demonize, we fail to see the 

whole person, and what drove their behavior.  At the same token, we 

can not deify a person, if we do, we fail to see any wrong in bad behavior.  

If our favorite celebrity, says something against our values, we have to 

be willing to acknowledge that, and see them as a flawed 

human and not a saint.    

  

In the next few months, we will be seeing plenty of political discourse.  

Politics is perhaps the best example, of our need to deify or demonize 

others, and nowhere is it more prevalent, than in our social, 

and traditional media.  We take sides, we double down, and we hide 

behind anonymous, online personas, insulting  anyone 

who disagrees with us.  

Now everyone knows politicians, who act against their moral values.  

You can, and should speak out, against their behavior, and their policies, 

but I encourage you, not to dismiss them, as inhuman.  

It’s easy to dismiss, and ignore their humanity, but by creating that “other” 

category, we stop the conversation, encourage abuse, 

and dismiss the bad behavior, they inspire in others.  

In several of the cases we discussed today, the “evil acts” 

were stopped, only, when someone spoke up, and intervened.  

It is this heroic act, the act of recognizing, the humanity 

of another, that caused the system to change.  We also saw that 

those, “heroic acts”, also inspired others to further action.  

We glorify those in history, who stand up, and fight for

these inequalities. 

While we usually see these individuals, as exceptional, 

Professor Zimbardo suggests, we see them as ordinary, “normal” people.  

That we develop a “hero mindset”, and teach our children, 

that each one of us is a “hero in waiting”.  Each of us, when we 

see something wrong, has the potential to act, and in turn inspire others, 

to act.  We should understand the evil, of inaction, even for the small things, 

because all “evil” acts, start small.  

We must learn as heroes to speak up, even if no one else does, 

to think not “ego-centrically” but “socio-centrically” for the greater good, 

of all humanity.  In other words - we are the heroes we’ve been waiting for, 

and any act of good, no matter how small can have a larger impact.

If we truly believe in the principle, of the “inherent worth 

and dignity, of every person”, we must acknowledge that those we praise, 

and those we criticise, should still be treated as human. We must 

do the work, and have the hard conversations, even with those we 

disagree with.  We must learn to criticize the behavior, without 

demonizing them.   No one said it would be easy, but principles rarely are.  

So in this polarized world, let's learn civility, and do the work, call 

out bad behavior,  be the heroes we are waiting for, and understand, 

that we are all part of the human race, and that we, are all, worthy.   

Namaste, thank you.